Friday, September 3, 2010

still




...still confused...

I know what's in my heart, but I gotta make my way through the maze of days like everybody else...

...I've built up walls and judgements and opinions out of my experiences.

I have an open mind to the most unexpected of things, and close it up quick to the things one might think I would be all for.

I have been the only white kid in all black neighborhoods in Northern California.

I have been the only Californian in a high school full of rednecks in Central Oklahoma.

I have been the only poor kid in an upper class town in Massachusetts.

I have seen shots fired, been knocked around. I've knocked fools out and felt great remorse.

I have been judged for my thoughts and screamed til I was hoarse.

I have been locked up too many times to mention, and I've argued with Republicans about the importance of a pension.

I have disagreed with Democrats on some liberal hippie bullshit. I've memorized prayers then heard them preached down from a pulpit.

I've spit in her face. This other woman spit in mine. I've recited the same poem over a hundred times.

I've bragged about accomplishments to anyone who would listen. I have felt like a failure while considering a possible new mission.

I'm just like you, we all sit down to poo. We all gotta eat, sometimes we all face defeat.

I've smoked meth in crack houses from Hollywood up to Reno. I've hung out with hookers and been at knife-point outside the casinos.

I have been clean and sober for over two and a half years...but, still I have been known to bring a loved one to tears.

...I love myself like crazy, and I've got a lot of work to do. I love the rest of you too, even though you all sit down to poo.

...fuckin' weirdos.

...still, I'm confused.

Oh yeah, one more thing: I always know what I'm doing.

-tr@veler

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